Beginning this week, my bet is the YMCA/YWCA will be more crowded than usual, workouts at No Limits Fitness will be shoulder-to-shoulder and, if this is even possible, a parking spot at the Tournament Capital Centre will be even more difficult to find.
Yes, it is the first week of January — a week that brings with it the full enthusiasm of New Year’s resolutions, foremost among them the exercise variety, as people vow to lose weight, add stamina, slim down and tone up.
The more experienced regular gym users may opt to find alternative exercise routines for the next couple of weeks, after which the vast majority of those resolving to be fitter will fall by the wayside and into familiar routines.
Making New Year’s resolutions is always a tough task as one is betting his or her willpower can, based on an arbitrary tick-tock of a clock on one arbitrary day, overcome 365 days (or more) of training one’s mind and body to embrace a far less healthy (but far more enjoyable) lifestyle.
Sure, finishing a five-kilometre run may feel fantastic at the very end, when the endorphins mimic the high of the most alluring drug — but leaving the Nikes in the closet and making a date with the couch, Old Dutch, Heineken and the Canucks on TV can rival the delight of a night of absinthe.
Resolutions, like promises from politicians and every road in Kamloops in the winter, are meant to be broken.
So, rather than contribute to society’s decay and pledge to simply break a vow, perhaps we should spend this week offering 2014 resolutions for our fellow Canadians to attempt to master:
• I, (insert name of Conservative MP here), resolve to meet with my doctor, have the Stephen Harper implant removed from my pre-frontal cortex and attempt to organize a thought all by myself.
• We, the Kamloops Blazers, resolve to bring transparency to our three-star selection process, the first step of which is sending Tim Bozon a letter of apology for the transgression of Dec. 6, when Digger was chosen as first star over the former Blazer.
• I, (insert name of overworked and underpaid city councillor here), resolve to try to balance personal life with work life and cut down on the many hours spent working as a city councillor. If I, the overworked and underpaid city councillor, skip a ribbon-cutting ceremony, a planter competition, a chamber of commerce social and the odd out-of-town, out-of-province or out-of-country vacation, er, work trip, it just might be possible to recover 50 per cent of my time.
• We, the Canadian Union of Postal Workers, resolve to fight with tenacity the decision of Canada Post to terminate urban door-to-door delivery. Joining us in our fight are unions representing the horse-and-buggy industry, members of the Save the VHS Club and a few Blockbuster employees with time to kill.
• I, (insert name of Canadian senator here), resolve to resolve that irritating expense controversy thing that focused on my dear colleagues Pamela, Mike and Patrick and get back to the business of cashing taxpayers’ generous cheques and snoozing in the Red Chamber for eternity, as the constitution intended.
• I, (insert name of B.C. Liberal MLA here), resolve to step aside the next time the premier loses her seat and needs a quick replacement — and I resolve to maintain, with a straight face, that such a sacrifice has no link to future plum postings with healthy pay in exotic foreign locales.
• We, proponents of Sedric’s Water Park, resolve to build the greatest water park Kamloops has ever seen. This year. For sure. We really mean it this time. Seriously. We do. Honest. Really.
Christopher Foulds is editor of Kamloops This Week. His email address is here. His blogs can be found here and here. Follow him on Twitter here.
